I think Randy Newman said it best in the song he composed for Toy Story;
“You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got troubles, and I’ve got ’em too
There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you
We stick together and can see it through
‘Cause you’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me”
Can we talk about relationships? As a mom of 4, I often find it overwhelming to think about juggling everything from diapers, baths, meals, homeschooling and everything in between and maintaining my relationships at the same time. I mean, honestly, my kids are at the age where my time with them in incredibly impressionable! Not to mention, keeping my marriage healthy! Seriously, that is possibly one of the hardest things as a wife, to find the time and the brain capacity to have a conversation with my husband that doesn’t involve poop or a child crisis, or keep each other up to date on what phase of growth each one of our 4 children are in today, and how we need to transition in that phase with them! All of my relationships outside of the 4 walls of my house are critical to my survival, as a mom, as a woman, but where do we find the time?
The older I get, the more I observe my relationships and those I share them with. It’s like the skylight broke open and I realized that in each of their very different personalities, not everyone handles trauma, stress, jobs, etc the same way that I do, and I am beginning to notice more and more that I need them in my life, no matter what we’re all going through. Each one of them, in very different and extremely lovely ways, need something from me. In order to keep my relationships healthy, I need to stay attentive! We’ve all got our “stuff”. We’re all so busy with life, seemingly more so now than ever before, people are BUSY! In all the “busy-ness” I need to show them that I care about what is happening in their world. That I am here for them. That I value them!
I used to be very good at listening. I mean, I like to think I’m good at listening now, because I have small children, it’s what I do all day. I listen. All day! But if I’m really honest, in all the listening, with each child added to our family, my listening has slowly turned into the soft end of tuned out! So yes, I’m a good listener, in a very muffled sort of manner. You know what I mean, it’s almost that “I don’t hear you, but I know what you’re doing, and I’m multi tasking because the baby needs to be fed, the 2 year old needs her diaper changed, my 3 year old just made a huge mess and my 5 year old is having a personal crisis, I will deal with all of it one thing at a time” all at the same time! I have found that, unless I’m alone with my husband, or on a walk or coffee date with a friend, I don’t always hear them. My focus is split.
Things that I have recently started to intentionally set out to do is take time out of my day, even if it’s 5 minutes, to have a conversation with them! Even when I don’t feel like it! 🙂 On the phone, FaceTime, or just send them a text to let them know I’m thinking about them. It’s amazing how far a thoughtful conversation or text can be! I enjoy receiving them, so I set out to do the same for them!
If we, as moms, as women, chose to support each other rather than compete with one another (whether consciously or subconsciously, it happens!), imagine what our world would look like! As I am endeavouring in this blog world, learning so much about it, going out into the social media scene to meet other women (which I have met a couple great women in the last week, who live nowhere near me!) I am finding so much support, seeing so much encouragement, and it blows me away that I’m not the only one that has a passion to see other moms succeed! I love reading peoples’ comments about relating to similar situations, or sharing support, advice and encouragement on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram-it’s so beautiful! My heart for this blog is to encourage, share my story, my dreams, my struggles, and maybe inspire people to reach out and go for their dreams, push through their troubles, find other ways to cope with things. I hope you can feel my heart for you as you read this, that I so want you to feel encouraged, knowing you are so much stronger and capable than you even know! One day I will share my story about how I got here, right now, mom of 4. It’s a good one, I think 🙂
Trust me, with 4 kids, all at home and transitioning into homeschooling this year, my world is chaos! SHEER CHAOS! But, amongst all of that, my journey as a mom, on great days and not so great days, is to be the best mom and friend, and wife that I can be! My journey is one of selflessness. My journey as a mom, friend and wife is one of gratitude. Tonight I was sitting in my chair, stunned, with my almost 8 month old son, who had just projectile vomited all over me, and my 2 year old daughter at my feet who was in dire need of a diaper change and all I wanted to do was cry, and then my daughter looked at me and smiled with her little crinkly nose. That’s all it took. I reminded myself that today has been a great day, despite all the pee and poop and now vomit, I have an amazing husband, 4 kids who love me (despite my occasional sense of failure), and I have amazing friends in my world who I need. I wouldn’t survive my journey as a mom without them-mom friends and non-mom friends 🙂 I need them. So if you’re reading this and you feel like there is someone you need to say I love you to, do it! 🙂 We need each other, we’re in this together! I’m grateful for you all, and if my friends are reading this, I love you! 🙂