Motherhood is hard! Let’s be real about that for a minute. Where you are at, however many children you have, whether you have raised all your babies or you’re in the thick of it, you are the best mom for your children! We are absolutely the best parent for our kids but we can’t be everything to our kids. In a world where “mom shaming” or “parent shaming” is so huge, I’m writing this to tell you that you are doing the best you can, and you are enough!
Being a mom of 4 kids, all under the age of 5, I know first hand what it feels like to go to bed at night and think back on my day with guilt and shame of my own! Thoughts like “I was too hard on them” or “I could have hugged them more” or “I could have handled that better”…even thoughts like “my house isn’t clean enough, I should have folded my mountain of laundry today! Worst homemaker ever!” go through my mind all. the. time. In those moments, I try to redirect my thoughts and remind myself of all the good things I did in the day-the things that I know had more impact on my kids than the fact that I didn’t fold their clothes! I know I loved them and I know they feel loved. When we stop and think about that for a minute, that is the goal. We are far too hard on ourselves. Don’t let the guilt take you down. Those thoughts aren’t based on truth!
In a world where we take our kids to the grocery store and our kids start to act up, we begin to feel like people are watching-it’s those moments that we are tried and tested of our motherhood. That is the “thick of it!” In those moments, we feel like we aren’t good enough. Something that I make sure that I do when I’m in those moments is take the time to address those situations, rather than act on them-talk the situation through with my kids, instead of just huffing and storming around the store until I’m finished, letting everyone around me know that I’m an exasperated parent, and allowing my children to feel like they aren’t living up to my expectations, and in turn making them feel like they are bad, rather than the behaviour at hand.
I don’t want to turn this into a “you should” post-telling you how you should handle things as a parent, we all do what works for us. What I will say is that our job is one of the most important ones-we are raising our future generations, and if we don’t believe in ourselves, what does that emulate to our kids? What sorts of behaviours do we make an example to them, and in turn, how they respond to our actions? If I can sit here and write a blog post telling you that you are the best mom you can be, and you are enough, then I have to believe it too right?
Here are some ways that you succeeded, or “showed up” for your kids, instead of focussing on all the negative things you didn’t do:
- You give them hugs and kisses
- You feed them healthy food
- You make sure they are dressed warm enough on a cold day! (Like today, in the Yukon!)
- You bathe them! 🙂 (sometimes harder than it sounds! haha)
- You listen to them
- You read to them
- You maintain clear consistent boundaries for them (kids thrive on healthy boundaries, because it makes them feel safe)
- You play with them
- You take the time to communicate to them what is right and wrong, instead of just reacting to the bad choices they make
- You snuggle them when they are sad, sick, tired, or just want snuggles!
Those are just a few things that we do on a daily basis that we don’t give ourselves credit for! Those are things that we do without thinking about (most of them anyways) and they mean the world to our kids! Telling our kids we love them isn’t the only way we show them love-kids respond to our actions, positively or negatively. Be gentle with yourself, give yourself permission to have some self care in your life, because we can’t pour into our family when we’re on empty! (preaching to the choir here!!) We are superheroes to our kids-there is no such thing as a perfect parent, but if we can be real, that is what counts! Kids are forgiving, they are gracious, they are full of love and joy-why are we so hard on ourselves??
I am so blessed that you stop by and read my posts! My hope is and will continue to be that I can inspire you-to give you some things to think about, and to give you some encouragement in your world! My heart is for moms to support other moms, and I so want to see, and hear about how, you push on day to day as a warrior mama! You are enough! You are worth it! And you are the best mama for your kids! Every day is a new day, a fresh start, and there is grace every morning for each of us. You ARE enough!
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