What Are You Cultivating?

cul·ti·vate

try to acquire or develop (a quality, sentiment, or skill)
As a mom, we are constantly evaluating, criticizing and assessing our parenting. Things we could be doing better, things we could be saying better, things we could be doing more of, less of, instead of….and the list goes on! I don’t know about you, but I go to bed almost every night and go over my day in my head and think about how situations were handled, conversations were had, and how the kids were behaving with each other and with me, how many more hugs I could have given, and I go over how I could have done most of those things better! More often than not, the answer is, “You really don’t need to be so hard on yourself! There is grace in the gaps that we miss.” or “Your kids didn’t perceive that conversation the way you feel it went.” Why are we so hard on ourselves?? What are we learning from those day to day, moment by moment thought processes. What are we changing from the analyzation (or over analyzation) of our parenting? What sort of things are we cultivating within ourselves as mothers, homemakers, caretakers, and spouses?
I’ve been watching a video series on living life with intention, regarding behaviour, thoughts, life, etc. It has recently made me put a lot of thought into how I’m doing and dealing with life…the things that I’m cultivating in my world. And the timing of it couldn’t have been better, because as I will explain below, I have found myself in the last few months cycling through my “normal” way of dealing with hard stuff, once again.
I’m not one for “New Years Resolutions”, but I am one to do the occasional personal review to improve myself and my world. I believe we are all entitled to better ourselves. This is our life, we only get one, and we are fully capable of changing all kinds of things in order to be the best we can be! We are all called to be the best version of ourselves-a little internal reflection now and then is awesome! It gets us out of the “cycle”, forces us to examine how we process the ups and downs, and re examine how to do it different the next time.
When life gets hard, personally, I go internal…I shut myself in, pretend I’m fine and don’t ask for help because I don’t want people knowing that I’m not as strong as I appear to be 🙂 (real honest moment here!) But in reality, my heart is aching, I’m exhausted, discouraged, and lonely! What I need the most are my closest friends, even to just encourage me and tell me I’m doing a good job, but I act like a martyr because unless I’m helping someone else, ‘no one really cares about how I’m feeling’…. LIE! obviously…catch those cycles and change your direction! It recreates the typical cycle that you go through in life. Then enters my word of the year: Cultivate!
Sooo very often, when we go internal, we find things that we don’t necessarily like about ourselves (outside of our daily assessments of how we handled parenthood!) BUT if we choose to see those things as a chance to better ourselves and not something that is holding us back, we can change the world! If we believe we’re raising world changers, we need to believe we’re changing the world. 🙂
In my journey through this video series on living with intention I have found a great book that is like a bullet journal, but already formatted! (for those of us that want to set goals, write them down and keep track but lack the brain capacity to formulate that on our own!) It’s called Cultivate What Matters – coincidence? Probably not…so I ordered it! I am going to write the vision down. I am going to pursue my goals in 2018 with possibly the most excitement I’ve had for a new year in a very long time. Where is your passion? What kinds of things are holding you back? Who do you want to be?
There are so many little things that I want to change about myself. This year was mostly about creating a healthier mindset on health and fitness for me, but in that so many things followed with it! I sit here at the end of the year, reflecting on all the (many) hard things that have come at us as a family, that knocked me down mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically, and I got back up and kept fighting! Where is my passion? My family. I want to be the best version of myself for my family. I don’t want to be the person that goes internal when life gets hard, because I isolate myself and in turn I teach my kids to isolate and hide when life gets hard, and that isn’t something I see in their little fiery hearts! Seeing life through their eyes, through their hearts, and how my choices could dull their passion for life makes me want to be a better mom, a better version of myself! I want to teach my kids to cultivate passion, drive, perseverance, humility, integrity, and balance!
Find your passion, get excited about who you are becoming in your day to day. If you’re not happy with what you’re cultivating, then change it 🙂 You are absolutely capable to do anything, and you are enough! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Praying this holiday season is full of joy for you and yours.
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